so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I yelled at your uterus for you.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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