No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
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