You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Randomize
