im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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