I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Randomize
