Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I need to stop coming to work sober
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Is Oprah even human
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Randomize
