champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Sext me about skeletons
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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