I think my vagina is haunted
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Randomize
