I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
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