he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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