Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
