just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize