This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
