Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
