Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
You have to summon your inner elephant
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
