anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Life is so much better after having sex.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Randomize