he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
there is glitter all over my balls
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