They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Naked Twister starts at high noon
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
I'm having to shit out rocks
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
