well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
