I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
