i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
bring money and cleavage
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
she peed on how many people?
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Randomize
