We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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