Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
