and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
