Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
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