how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
My liver just had a heart attack.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Randomize