Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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