just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
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