how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize