I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Randomize
