ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
This toilet bowl is my home.
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