none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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