he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
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