I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
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