I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
