Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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