This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
