Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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