listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
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