He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Shame - the story of my life.
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