Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
