just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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