arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
