just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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