watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
