I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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