Pregnant stripper...not hot.
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
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