I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Randomize
