You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
