Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
my shit smells like andre
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Randomize
