I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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