If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Randomize
