you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
