The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
