I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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