Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
