the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Randomize
