Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize