I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
