He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
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