I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
