I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
