If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
