Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
