I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
