five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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