I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I smell like Dick and happiness
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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