Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
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