respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Randomize
