I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
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