Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
This couple is walking their pig around campus
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
