guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
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