She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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