You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
